I am rereading these blogs from years ago. Eight years ago I wrote a blog here referencing Jack Nicholson's great character Melvin Udahl's desperate question, "what if this is as good as it gets?" First of all I can't believe that was eight years ago. Simply can't believe it. I was about to turn 24. Now, I am about to turn 32, tomorrow in fact. I turned 24 in 2009...which, in retrospect, was a huge year for me. Everything in my life changed that year for the better. I wish I could go back to that version of me and tell myself that what I was feeling was right. There IS more to this life. Things CAN be different, and better. And just because I was lucky and grateful and fortunate then doesn't mean that I had to settle for things being a certain way.
And thank god I didn't. My life was already moving in a different direction, though, while I may have had a hunch, I didn't quite realize it at the time.
Later that year, I went to Australia to visit Kolya and Parisa. My six-year relationship with BJW ended in October, and Jason asked me to start Northern Nevada Juniors Volleyball Club with him that September. It was suppose to be a temporary gig, something that would see me through my grad school applications and eventual acceptance.
Fast forward eight years and here is where/what/who I am:
-32
-fiancée to Jason Sterrett, to be married Nov. 18 this year. This partnership brings me unending love, support, stability, and belly laughs.
-step-mom to Jenna and Sofia (something that even at its most terrifying moments is one of the great gifts of my life)
-assistant director/manager/partner in NNJ Volleyball, a 1+ million dollar company that helps in the athletic and personal development of more than 500 girls a year.
-in Reno, and happy to be
-happy in general. No more feelings of "is this as good as it gets?"
-part of a pretty good group of community. Fun, motivated, driven, like-minded.
-one-quarter of the Cirac nuclear family, which brings to me a constant source of humor, strength, and friendship.
-still overweight and non-masters degree'd. These are the two areas that need work.
Rationally I think one knows that a lot can change in a short amount of time. But there's something very poignant in reading your own writing and reflection, and having the ability and gift of hindsight to appreciate where you've been and where you are. The recurring theme: damn I'm lucky.
5.19.2017
5/16/17
There have been multiple times in the last couple of days where my jumbled inner monologue has startled awake into a clear moment of "holy shit how luckyhappygrateful am I?"
I don't say this to brag; rather to note it in a permanent forum which I can go back and read at any time. I often have a difficult time keeping perspective and realizing that my issues are often small, manageable, and mildly insignificant. This week has reminded me that there are very few things out there that should shake me from the strength and confidence I should take from such happiness and stability in my life.
Back to the recap of the week: Tuesday was a powerful and poignant day on all fronts. We woke early planning to walk from our hotel, the Marriott Marquis on 45th, to the 9/11 Memorial in the Financial District. The bellhop scoffed at us and put us in a cab for the three-mile ride (which Brenna would later say she walks all the time and maybe the bellhop gets a kickback from the cabbie?). We arrived at 180 Greenwich Street at 7:30, 20 minutes before our tour opened. We walked along the pools, and then over to Church St and to Trinity Church in search of Duane Reed for some Zicam. We bought a smoothie at a cart and walked back to the memorial for our tour.
For anyone who hasn't toured the memorial, do it right now. At your next possible opportunity. And take the 8:15 am guided tour, with Patrick if you can. It allows you entrance to the museum 45 minutes before it's open to the public, and the quiet and stillness of your time there adds a lot to the poignance of the experience. The huge blue wall is overpowering, with 2,700 water color tiles, each a square block and all a different shade of blue to signify the individual lives lost in the coordinated attacks of 9/11 and the six who died in the WTC attack in 1993. And you hear about the footprints of the towers, but you don't realize what that means until you're standing underground between them. Holding space with the original slurry wall, the final piece to be removed from debris pile, an elevator motor and piece of the north tower's antenna, and the fire truck from ladder 3, the crew of which were the first on scene and none of whom survived. The tour is overwhelming, sadness- and anger-inciting, and somehow it still breeds hope.
We took a much-needed walk through a Battery Park and east along the water, and even considered a helicopter ride. Somehow $1200 for a 15-minute experience didn't seem worth it. After making it to the Brooklyn Bridge and nearly walking underneath it, we decided to grab a cab up to Rockefeller Center. Introducing Kofi the Ghanaian cab driver! I knew within seconds he was from Ghana, and the fortune of my international travel experience is never lost on me. Kofi grew up in Cape Coast, and though I said I'd been there, he insisted on showing me photos on his phone while we ripped through the Lower East Side. He seemed happy to meet someone who knew of his home, and I was so grateful for the excuse to remember a big time in my life. He asked if I ate fufuo and red-red and groundnuts and the whole thing. It was perfect---and made even better by his distaste for Trump's administration. "If you are my neighbor, and we share a three-foot fence, and I don't like the way you look from your kitchen window through my kitchen window, and I want a bigger fence, that is up to me to pay for!" At the suggestion that maybe fences aren't necessary at all, he looked at me like only a Ghanaian could, and said, "well, you and I know that, but clearly he doesn't understand it at all."
Together we talked/vilified Trump as we passed the UN and eventually made it to Rockefeller Center.
After a quick lunch of lobster rolls and chowder, we took a quick nap at the hotel and then headed on a 45-minute cab ride to travel the five miles to Nev and Bre's place in Greenpoint. I can't discuss every detail of the visit here because I simply can't do it justice. The important bits I want to take away are: the apartment is lovely, the neighborhood is fabulous, Paulie Gee's pizza was delicious and he skis at Alpine/N Star, we had a drink on the fabulous Barge Bar, and we enjoyed wine on the rooftop terrace that overlooks the Manhattan skyline. All of these things are incredible, but most incredible is the relationship I am so lucky to have with these two beautiful people. Even more lucky is the fact that J and Brenna seem to be kindred spirits and have a natural ease of talking about how they view the world and the people in it. Brenna is a true role model to me, and I'm amazed each time we visit at how easy our connection is. Nevada is honestly my oldest friend, and a true one at that. I used to wonder if we were only connected through our shared history and families, but with each visit I become more confident that we have formed a true friendship separate of those ideas. I truly feel comfortable and open with them, for which I am grateful as we all know that it's not the way I often move through the world. Maybe it's an indicator that my closest friends live far away---perhaps I'm intolerable in close proximity, but I am beyond happy and grateful for these two in my life, however I can get them.
I don't say this to brag; rather to note it in a permanent forum which I can go back and read at any time. I often have a difficult time keeping perspective and realizing that my issues are often small, manageable, and mildly insignificant. This week has reminded me that there are very few things out there that should shake me from the strength and confidence I should take from such happiness and stability in my life.
Back to the recap of the week: Tuesday was a powerful and poignant day on all fronts. We woke early planning to walk from our hotel, the Marriott Marquis on 45th, to the 9/11 Memorial in the Financial District. The bellhop scoffed at us and put us in a cab for the three-mile ride (which Brenna would later say she walks all the time and maybe the bellhop gets a kickback from the cabbie?). We arrived at 180 Greenwich Street at 7:30, 20 minutes before our tour opened. We walked along the pools, and then over to Church St and to Trinity Church in search of Duane Reed for some Zicam. We bought a smoothie at a cart and walked back to the memorial for our tour.
For anyone who hasn't toured the memorial, do it right now. At your next possible opportunity. And take the 8:15 am guided tour, with Patrick if you can. It allows you entrance to the museum 45 minutes before it's open to the public, and the quiet and stillness of your time there adds a lot to the poignance of the experience. The huge blue wall is overpowering, with 2,700 water color tiles, each a square block and all a different shade of blue to signify the individual lives lost in the coordinated attacks of 9/11 and the six who died in the WTC attack in 1993. And you hear about the footprints of the towers, but you don't realize what that means until you're standing underground between them. Holding space with the original slurry wall, the final piece to be removed from debris pile, an elevator motor and piece of the north tower's antenna, and the fire truck from ladder 3, the crew of which were the first on scene and none of whom survived. The tour is overwhelming, sadness- and anger-inciting, and somehow it still breeds hope.
We took a much-needed walk through a Battery Park and east along the water, and even considered a helicopter ride. Somehow $1200 for a 15-minute experience didn't seem worth it. After making it to the Brooklyn Bridge and nearly walking underneath it, we decided to grab a cab up to Rockefeller Center. Introducing Kofi the Ghanaian cab driver! I knew within seconds he was from Ghana, and the fortune of my international travel experience is never lost on me. Kofi grew up in Cape Coast, and though I said I'd been there, he insisted on showing me photos on his phone while we ripped through the Lower East Side. He seemed happy to meet someone who knew of his home, and I was so grateful for the excuse to remember a big time in my life. He asked if I ate fufuo and red-red and groundnuts and the whole thing. It was perfect---and made even better by his distaste for Trump's administration. "If you are my neighbor, and we share a three-foot fence, and I don't like the way you look from your kitchen window through my kitchen window, and I want a bigger fence, that is up to me to pay for!" At the suggestion that maybe fences aren't necessary at all, he looked at me like only a Ghanaian could, and said, "well, you and I know that, but clearly he doesn't understand it at all."
Together we talked/vilified Trump as we passed the UN and eventually made it to Rockefeller Center.
After a quick lunch of lobster rolls and chowder, we took a quick nap at the hotel and then headed on a 45-minute cab ride to travel the five miles to Nev and Bre's place in Greenpoint. I can't discuss every detail of the visit here because I simply can't do it justice. The important bits I want to take away are: the apartment is lovely, the neighborhood is fabulous, Paulie Gee's pizza was delicious and he skis at Alpine/N Star, we had a drink on the fabulous Barge Bar, and we enjoyed wine on the rooftop terrace that overlooks the Manhattan skyline. All of these things are incredible, but most incredible is the relationship I am so lucky to have with these two beautiful people. Even more lucky is the fact that J and Brenna seem to be kindred spirits and have a natural ease of talking about how they view the world and the people in it. Brenna is a true role model to me, and I'm amazed each time we visit at how easy our connection is. Nevada is honestly my oldest friend, and a true one at that. I used to wonder if we were only connected through our shared history and families, but with each visit I become more confident that we have formed a true friendship separate of those ideas. I truly feel comfortable and open with them, for which I am grateful as we all know that it's not the way I often move through the world. Maybe it's an indicator that my closest friends live far away---perhaps I'm intolerable in close proximity, but I am beyond happy and grateful for these two in my life, however I can get them.
5.15.2017
NYC 2017-5/16/17
Jason has surprised me with a trip to New York City for my birthday this year. Not really surprised me, since I've known about it since March, but still...the whole thing was his idea. And what a great idea it was. We just finished Day 1 and I'm feeling the urge to document the day so that I don't forget what we did, and even more, how I feel.
We left Reno last night at 11:59 p.m. We took the JetBlue redeye, which was my first experience on the airline and on a redeye flight in general. Even after two margaritas and a Xanax, I was wide awake, yet exhausted, and pretty nervous. I don't know from what or from where this fear of flying has come, but it is not fun. I was genuinely convinced the whole flight that we weren't going to make it. Every change in sound, every bump, every light flicker has me assuming that something bad is happening. It's awful...and I need to get a grip on it because I don't want it to affect my desire to travel.
We arrived at JFK at 8:30 a.m., and were met by our lovely Armenian driver Asa. The 17-mile drive took us a solid 90 minutes, through Jamaica and other parts of Queens, and finally over the Queensborough bridge to Manhattan. Asa told us a lot about how he had been in the rug restoration business until 2001, when, after 9/11, people stopped buying Persian and Turkish rugs. Whether the economy changed or people didn't want to buy rugs from him he didn't know, but he changed careers and became a driver. He was warm and open, and gave us a nice rundown of each area through which we passed as he drove us to our hotel.
We're staying at the Marriott Marquis in Times Square. As we were pulling up, we passed both the Imperial and Richard Rodgers theaters, home to The Great Comet and Hamilton, respectively. I am completely obsessed with the latter, and have been for about six months. Turns out Jason surprised me with tickets, thanks to help from Tina Wheeler (thanks, Tina!), and the theater is honestly next door to the hotel. J also got tickets to the Great Comet for Wednesday afternoon, and that is on the other side of the RR theater from us. We had no idea when we booked the hotel that the Theater District was right here, let alone that we would be next door to the part of the trip to which I'm looking the most forward.
The best part of the hotel---aside from its great location, is that it's free! We managed to secure six nights using points that we accrued from the season on the Marriott card we got at the beginning of the season---total score!
After checking in, we had a $70 breakfast buffet (!) at the hotel, and then took a much, much needed nap.
We woke around 4 p.m to walk around and explore a bit. Before we knew it, we'd purchased tickets for Lion King on Wednesday night and to a play called The Play Gone Wrong for Thursday evening. Our week is shaping up so nicely; quite frankly, I could stay in this little area and go to a play every single day.
We decided to look into School of Rock and tickets for tonight were available. We grabbed a quick dinner of Greek salad, spinach pie, and a delicious coconut macaroon at a nearby deli before heading back to the Winter Garden Theater for School of Rock. The show was great, the kids were darling and incredibly talented, and we left with huge smiles on our faces. We then found a small Irish pub and watched quarters 3&4 of Game 7 between Celtics and Wizards. Boston came out on top as we had steak, shrimp, and veggies for dinner, followed by strawberry ice cream and Bailey's for dessert.
Tomorrow we have a tour planned at 8:15 a.m at the 9/11 Memorial, followed by a day with Brenna and eventually Nevada. I am so grateful to have kept relationships with them as an adult, and am especially grateful that J is also excited to see and spend time with them, and vice versa.
It's really important that I remember days like these (weeks like these, actually) as they are the majority of my days and I am so absurdly lucky. It is a luxury to pick up and leave home for a week, stay in a beautiful hotel, buy tickets randomly to multiple Broadway shows, and not have to worry about money spent on food or transportation. I never, ever want to forget or take for granted how fortunate I am, specifically for our resources, but especially for having a partner who has ensured our success and stability. We've both worked hard, but it's his vision that has secured this life for us. Plus, he is just really fund to hang out with!
The lineup for the week:
Tuesday: 9/11, Trinity Church, High Line, and Nev and Bre Day!
Wednesday: The Great Comet 2 p.m., Lion King 7 p.m.
Thursday: The Play Gone Wrong
Friday: HAMILTON!!!
Saturday: ??? SNL? Live taping of a show???
Sunday: ??? Flight leaves at 7:30 p.m.
Lucky, lucky, lu
We left Reno last night at 11:59 p.m. We took the JetBlue redeye, which was my first experience on the airline and on a redeye flight in general. Even after two margaritas and a Xanax, I was wide awake, yet exhausted, and pretty nervous. I don't know from what or from where this fear of flying has come, but it is not fun. I was genuinely convinced the whole flight that we weren't going to make it. Every change in sound, every bump, every light flicker has me assuming that something bad is happening. It's awful...and I need to get a grip on it because I don't want it to affect my desire to travel.
We arrived at JFK at 8:30 a.m., and were met by our lovely Armenian driver Asa. The 17-mile drive took us a solid 90 minutes, through Jamaica and other parts of Queens, and finally over the Queensborough bridge to Manhattan. Asa told us a lot about how he had been in the rug restoration business until 2001, when, after 9/11, people stopped buying Persian and Turkish rugs. Whether the economy changed or people didn't want to buy rugs from him he didn't know, but he changed careers and became a driver. He was warm and open, and gave us a nice rundown of each area through which we passed as he drove us to our hotel.
We're staying at the Marriott Marquis in Times Square. As we were pulling up, we passed both the Imperial and Richard Rodgers theaters, home to The Great Comet and Hamilton, respectively. I am completely obsessed with the latter, and have been for about six months. Turns out Jason surprised me with tickets, thanks to help from Tina Wheeler (thanks, Tina!), and the theater is honestly next door to the hotel. J also got tickets to the Great Comet for Wednesday afternoon, and that is on the other side of the RR theater from us. We had no idea when we booked the hotel that the Theater District was right here, let alone that we would be next door to the part of the trip to which I'm looking the most forward.
The best part of the hotel---aside from its great location, is that it's free! We managed to secure six nights using points that we accrued from the season on the Marriott card we got at the beginning of the season---total score!
After checking in, we had a $70 breakfast buffet (!) at the hotel, and then took a much, much needed nap.
We woke around 4 p.m to walk around and explore a bit. Before we knew it, we'd purchased tickets for Lion King on Wednesday night and to a play called The Play Gone Wrong for Thursday evening. Our week is shaping up so nicely; quite frankly, I could stay in this little area and go to a play every single day.
We decided to look into School of Rock and tickets for tonight were available. We grabbed a quick dinner of Greek salad, spinach pie, and a delicious coconut macaroon at a nearby deli before heading back to the Winter Garden Theater for School of Rock. The show was great, the kids were darling and incredibly talented, and we left with huge smiles on our faces. We then found a small Irish pub and watched quarters 3&4 of Game 7 between Celtics and Wizards. Boston came out on top as we had steak, shrimp, and veggies for dinner, followed by strawberry ice cream and Bailey's for dessert.
Tomorrow we have a tour planned at 8:15 a.m at the 9/11 Memorial, followed by a day with Brenna and eventually Nevada. I am so grateful to have kept relationships with them as an adult, and am especially grateful that J is also excited to see and spend time with them, and vice versa.
It's really important that I remember days like these (weeks like these, actually) as they are the majority of my days and I am so absurdly lucky. It is a luxury to pick up and leave home for a week, stay in a beautiful hotel, buy tickets randomly to multiple Broadway shows, and not have to worry about money spent on food or transportation. I never, ever want to forget or take for granted how fortunate I am, specifically for our resources, but especially for having a partner who has ensured our success and stability. We've both worked hard, but it's his vision that has secured this life for us. Plus, he is just really fund to hang out with!
The lineup for the week:
Tuesday: 9/11, Trinity Church, High Line, and Nev and Bre Day!
Wednesday: The Great Comet 2 p.m., Lion King 7 p.m.
Thursday: The Play Gone Wrong
Friday: HAMILTON!!!
Saturday: ??? SNL? Live taping of a show???
Sunday: ??? Flight leaves at 7:30 p.m.
Lucky, lucky, lu
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