Desiderata

by Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

The Almost Blog

I have almost written a bunch of different blogs this week, but didn't quite get around to getting inspired to start or finish any of them. Here are some of the things going though my crazy mind this week:
1) Sometimes I wish someone would just congratulate me and give me a prize for being a semi-functioning pseudo-adult. I think I should get an award for being able to go grocery shopping, care for others, and not let myself sink into unhealthy oblivion.
2) Honesty is a weird thing. When to be honest, when to spare feelings, when to give a much-needed wake-up call. I've decided that most of them time it can be really hard to be honest with the people that we love, but that we usually suck it up and do it because it's best. I've also realized that I don't take care of myself nearly as well as I take care of others, and thus are not honest with myself about crucial things. I have to keep an eye on this...
3) There are so many amazing people in this world that can affect our lives with just the smallest touch/word/look/conversation. I am so grateful to everyone in the world who has had an impact on me, whether it was Laroba the fried-egg sandwich maker in Ghana, Connie the MSW who helped me relax and look at life as an adventure, that girl in the painting on the Gs wall who reminds me that I have it so good, or the countless other people who have made me stop and think and consider something in a different way. The crappy thing is that there is no way to thank them all.
4) My grandmother is around. She passed away Dec. 11, 2007, but she is definitely here with me today. Somehow. I had a very intense dream last night, and her name must have come up nearly ten times today. What I am supposed to get out of this I don't know. But I miss her. A lot.
5) I want to go to Australia. Now.
6) I decided to apply to grad schools and take the GRE this year. Now I just need to learn how to reduce fractions for the test and figure out a program that sounds interesting. or two. or three.
7) For some reason, the negatives in life are easier. It is easier to be mad, sad, grumpy, annoyed, judgmental and insecure. It is harder to be happy. But dammit, I'm going to try.
8) Post-exercise endorphins are not to be underestimated. They are addicting.
9) It freaks me out that I don't know where I want to be in five years. It also freaks me out that the thought of having a real career, an 8a.m.-5 p.m.-50-week-a-year job is the most unappealing thing in the world. Aren't I supposed to want something like that? Isn't that where I'm supposed to find some purpose?
10) I would rather keep my beat up ol' Suzuki than get a new car. Even at 14 years old, with no A/C, shitty sound system and a behemoth of a crack in the windshield, it's better to me than an impersonal strange set of wheels. We've got history, and she hasn't died on my yet (not really, anyway).
11) I am picky about friends. This is dangerous because I'm pretty positive that I am a hard person to really like and love and get to know, and this will likely translate to having few friends through life. If the previous five years or so are any marker, I will hopefully continue to be blessed the strong friendships that I have.
11) I would like to look into the possibility of playing volleyball in grad school.
12) For some reason on this new eating regime I've adopted, i crave sweets more than bread and pasta, and I'm infamous for not having a sweet tooth. Weird.
13) I want to go to Australia. Now.
14) The uneasy feeling of insecurity and unfamiliarity in the work place is a good sign, but is, nevertheless, insecure and unfamiliar. I'm waiting to feel like I know what I'm doing at Manogue. I hope it comes quickly.
15) I need to write more. Much, much more.
16) We are all responsible for our own happiness, and can't expect ourselves to create happiness for anyone else. It will only drag us down.
17) I read Desiderata every morning. It helps a lot. Look for it in the next blog.

Life's not perfect...but it's pretty dang good

I've been slackin' on the blog front lately. Last week was pretty intense—my first week of working out and eating well, Pierre moving in with all his stuff before he heads to Oz in three weeks, trying to clear the head space and focus on some really positive personal stuff (and not so much on some really stressful relationship stuff), etc. etc. Excuses, excuses, I know :)
Despite the fact that I haven't been flexing my writing muscles, I am in a great space. It's really amazing how much better I feel after just a week of healthy active living/eating. This is the first time I've felt such an expansive and intense support system around me to encourage me to take care of myself. Deirdre, Luke, Joey, Mike and everyone at the club have been more than helpful and fun and good-humored and excited. The family, as always is supportive. And B of course is, as always, more supportive than I could hope for.
So after three workouts and five days of eating well, I feel great. How amazing would it be for me to be able to be in Australia in July and feel pseudo-comfy in a bathing suit? What a concept!
Today, though I faltered a bit. I went to the VCHS graduation to see Sophie, Cambria, Jake and others go through their ceremony. I caught myself in bitch mode, wondering why it seemed to be such a big deal. Then I remembered how important my HS grad was to me—how stressed I was about everything being perfect...the ceremony, the speech, the afterparty, etc. So it was nice to just soak up the moment and feel pride in my friends who have opened a new chapter in their lives.
The party with the Glos was fantastic. S and T sang together, and aped around like chimps. It was great to meet the extended T and D families: sisters, brothers, sons and daughters. S could have a huge party with just her first cousins and call it good. I felt pretty honored to be there, plus it was relaxing and very chill.
I find my eyes closing as i write this, so I apologize if it's not coherent. I'll write more in the next day or two and will hopefully be a bit more direct organized and clear. Happy almost Sunday to everyone ;)