I have almost written a bunch of different blogs this week, but didn't quite get around to getting inspired to start or finish any of them. Here are some of the things going though my crazy mind this week:
1) Sometimes I wish someone would just congratulate me and give me a prize for being a semi-functioning pseudo-adult. I think I should get an award for being able to go grocery shopping, care for others, and not let myself sink into unhealthy oblivion.
2) Honesty is a weird thing. When to be honest, when to spare feelings, when to give a much-needed wake-up call. I've decided that most of them time it can be really hard to be honest with the people that we love, but that we usually suck it up and do it because it's best. I've also realized that I don't take care of myself nearly as well as I take care of others, and thus are not honest with myself about crucial things. I have to keep an eye on this...
3) There are so many amazing people in this world that can affect our lives with just the smallest touch/word/look/conversation. I am so grateful to everyone in the world who has had an impact on me, whether it was Laroba the fried-egg sandwich maker in Ghana, Connie the MSW who helped me relax and look at life as an adventure, that girl in the painting on the Gs wall who reminds me that I have it so good, or the countless other people who have made me stop and think and consider something in a different way. The crappy thing is that there is no way to thank them all.
4) My grandmother is around. She passed away Dec. 11, 2007, but she is definitely here with me today. Somehow. I had a very intense dream last night, and her name must have come up nearly ten times today. What I am supposed to get out of this I don't know. But I miss her. A lot.
5) I want to go to Australia. Now.
6) I decided to apply to grad schools and take the GRE this year. Now I just need to learn how to reduce fractions for the test and figure out a program that sounds interesting. or two. or three.
7) For some reason, the negatives in life are easier. It is easier to be mad, sad, grumpy, annoyed, judgmental and insecure. It is harder to be happy. But dammit, I'm going to try.
8) Post-exercise endorphins are not to be underestimated. They are addicting.
9) It freaks me out that I don't know where I want to be in five years. It also freaks me out that the thought of having a real career, an 8a.m.-5 p.m.-50-week-a-year job is the most unappealing thing in the world. Aren't I supposed to want something like that? Isn't that where I'm supposed to find some purpose?
10) I would rather keep my beat up ol' Suzuki than get a new car. Even at 14 years old, with no A/C, shitty sound system and a behemoth of a crack in the windshield, it's better to me than an impersonal strange set of wheels. We've got history, and she hasn't died on my yet (not really, anyway).
11) I am picky about friends. This is dangerous because I'm pretty positive that I am a hard person to really like and love and get to know, and this will likely translate to having few friends through life. If the previous five years or so are any marker, I will hopefully continue to be blessed the strong friendships that I have.
11) I would like to look into the possibility of playing volleyball in grad school.
12) For some reason on this new eating regime I've adopted, i crave sweets more than bread and pasta, and I'm infamous for not having a sweet tooth. Weird.
13) I want to go to Australia. Now.
14) The uneasy feeling of insecurity and unfamiliarity in the work place is a good sign, but is, nevertheless, insecure and unfamiliar. I'm waiting to feel like I know what I'm doing at Manogue. I hope it comes quickly.
15) I need to write more. Much, much more.
16) We are all responsible for our own happiness, and can't expect ourselves to create happiness for anyone else. It will only drag us down.
17) I read Desiderata every morning. It helps a lot. Look for it in the next blog.
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